


Dirty

by bunbunjolras



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 19:01:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1277431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunbunjolras/pseuds/bunbunjolras
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“How – I mean – what? Never?” <br/>“No,” Enjolras whined from behind his hands.<br/>Grantaire’s fingers curled around his wrists gently and pulled his hands away from his face. “Why not?”<br/>“Because…Because it’s dirty.”</p><p>--<br/>In which Enjolras was raised to believe any kind of touching was bad, and is slowly coming around to the idea that maybe it's not so bad after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this ask from tumblr user Foxjolras:
> 
> "Enjolras having a strict sheltered upbringing and being raised to see sex as a shameful and dirty thing, so he's definitely never explored his body, and Grantaire is horrified and teaches him that masturbation is healthy, and when Enjolras nervously says he wants to try but doesn't want to be alone, Grantaire sits behind him and kisses his ear while Enjolras jerks himself off for the first time"

“Never?” Grantaire barked, eyebrows shooting up towards his hairline. The party was over, everyone else had gone home except Enjolras, and they sat on the floor by the sofa, knees touching as they leaned close to one another despite the empty space around them in Grantaire’s sparsely furnished apartment.

 

Enjolras shook his head and opened his mouth to say something else, to change the subject, but Grantaire was interested, and an interested Grantaire was hard to shake.

 

“That’s unbelievable. Never – you’ve never touched anyone? Not even kissed?” Another shake of the head. He was blushing so furiously and looked so distressed that Grantaire frowned after a moment. “Wait a minute...Have you – do you touch yourself?”

 

Enjolras buried his face in his hands and made an embarrassing, high pitched noise as he shook his head again.

 

“How – I mean – what? Never?”

 

“No,” Enjolras whined from behind his hands.

 

Grantaire’s fingers curled around his wrists gently and pulled his hands away from his face. “Why not?”

 

“Because…” Enjolras started, his face flushed as he averted his gaze from Grantaire’s face, wringing his hands in his lap as he tried to think of something to say that didn’t sound ridiculous. “Because it’s dirty.”

 

“No it’s not. Who told you that?” Grantaire asked, leaning over to brush a bit of Enjolras’ hair from his face. He was a little amazed that there were still people in this day and age with a sex drive who didn’t spend their adolescent years wanking feverishly whenever the need and the right opportunity found them. Enjolras had a sex drive – the problem was it was tied in very strongly with an intense sense of guilt and shame over any kind of arousal.

 

Twenty one years old and he’d never touched anyone, not even himself, Grantaire thought as he reached out to lay his hand on Enjolras’ knee. Poor boy. Grantaire knew Enjolras was very particular about the words he used and the words he liked others to use around him so he would have to tread lightly here – anything even vaguely explicit might send him into meltdown when combined with how wound up this all obviously made him.

 

“Maman,” Enjolras muttered eventually. “Papa, and Adrienne too. They all told me it’s shameful to do that to yourself. Like an animal. And allowing anyone else to do it to you means you’re dirty, but I…I’m starting to doubt that a little bit.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Grantaire said quietly after a few moments. “I’m not going to tell you everyone does it, because there are some people who don’t because they don’t want to, but quite a lot of people touch themselves, and they touch other people who want them to. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, not if it’s something you feel like you want to do.”

 

“I understand. It’s difficult to shake 20 years’ worth of thinking that way, though. I’ve been trying to for a while, since I left home, but it’s not working too well so far.” Enjolras looked up properly for the first time in a while at Grantaire and offered him a shaky smile, before looking back down at the space between their legs. “Whenever I feel…like – like that, I feel ashamed of myself for wanting to succumb to it, and the stronger I feel…like that, the worse I feel about myself.” He shuddered a little and lifted his hand to place over Grantaire’s where it was still on his knee, but he decided against it as his fingers brushed across the back of the artist’s hand and he dropped his hand down onto the floor instead. “Don’t take this the wrong way but you make me feel the worst.”

 

“I think that’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me,” he murmured in response and dropped his gaze to the floor. “I know it’s not easy but you have to try to stop think that way, or at least try stop thinking things like that about yourself. Masturbation is healthy,” Grantaire insisted, grinning just a little bit as Enjolras squawked at the word ‘masturbation’. “It makes you less stressed, and it’s good for your immune system, somehow. I never get colds and I have no stress, all because I wank at every available opportunity.”

 

Enjolras sniggered nervously after a moment and looked up at Grantaire with a smile. “I doubt that somehow.”

 

“Totally true.” Grantaire smiled and looked up at him through his hair as he trailed his finger in circles on his leg. “Am I dirty?”

 

“Yes,” Enjolras blurted out quickly, and looked as though he regretted it immediately, wincing as he glanced up at Grantaire. “No. I don’t know. They always told me it was so wrong, that I should never do it, that I should never want to do it, but…you make me want to. And I know that a lot of people do it, I know that you do it, and I once walked in on Courfeyrac doing something to Marius that I still don’t quite understand, but my first reaction when I hear about it or think about it is to think that it’s a bad thing to do. I’d never even considered touching myself until I met you.”

 

“Ah, so I’m inspiration for you?” he asked with a laugh, and when Enjolras shot him a puzzled look he shook his head. “It’s nothing. So, why don’t you do it now? You can go in my bedroom if you want.”

 

Enjolras squirmed where he sat and looked up at Grantaire nervously. “I don’t – I don’t want to.”

 

“Okay, then – but you sometimes think you want to, right? Like, you sometimes think about touching yourself, yeah?” There was a nod, and Grantaire smiled fondly. “So, next time just…call me, or something. If you get nervous or want someone to talk you through it just give me a ring.”

 

“I didn’t-” Enjolras started, before pausing to take a deep breath and start again. “When I said I don’t want to I meant – I mean, I want to. Now. I just don’t want to do it alone but I want to do it by myself. Does that make any sense?”

 

Grantaire leaned over to Enjolras, closing the gap between the two of them to press a kiss to his forehead gently. “Yes,” Grantaire told him quietly. “Just say what you want to do and I’ll do my best to help, okay? I won’t touch you or say anything if you don’t want me to.”

 

Enjolras fidgeted, looking panicked and as though he might well cry at any moment, but then he nodded. “Okay. That sounds – that sounds good.”

 

Grantaire smiled broadly and leaned over to push Enjolras’ hair back from his face gently. “Can I kiss you?”

 

Enjolras nodded, shivering less than he had been as he leaned a little closer. “Yes. Please.”

 

Bringing the hand that had been on Enjolras’ knee up to his cheek, Grantaire closed the gap between the two of them and kiss the blond gently, chaste and as gently as he could, pulling away when he felt Enjolras start to tremble again.

 

“You doing okay?” Grantaire asked softly.

 

Enjolras nodded and made a soft noise in the back of his throat as he made an aborted attempt to reach out and touch his arm. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he said softly. “I don’t – what do I do?”

 

“Do you want me to touch you?” Grantaire asked him quietly as he ran his fingers through Enjolras’ hair gently. “It’s okay if you want me to and it’s okay if you don’t.”

 

“I – I think I do but…I don’t want you to watch me. I don’t know. I’m confused, R,” he managed eventually. “I know it’s not bad and I know I shouldn’t feel bad about this but I feel…guilty.”

 

“That’s okay,” Grantaire insisted. “Just do what you want to do, don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or whatever, okay? That’s the exact opposite of what we’re going for here. Just start by putting your hand down your pants and take it from there, it’s that easy. Just do what feels good, and if you realise you don’t like something, just stop, and you’ll know what you like and what you don’t like before long. Do you want to touch me at all? Or do you want me to touch you?”

 

“No,” Enjolras said with a huge amount of certainty. He shuffled around so as Grantaire was looking at the line of his back, and then moved back awkwardly on his hands and feet until he was sitting in Grantaire’s lap, weight settled awkwardly over his calves more than his thighs. “Give me your hand,” he murmured, and when it was offered he placed Grantaire’s palm on his chest and leaned back against him. “Don’t say anything for a minute, okay? Just…just stay still.”

 

Grantaire nodded and pressed a light kiss to the back of his neck, feeling him shudder against him. It took him a moment to realise Enjolras was murmuring things to himself quietly, affirmations that this was okay, that he wasn’t being dirty or inappropriate, that a lot of people did this.

 

“Okay,” he muttered to himself eventually, his breathing hitching a little as he leaned more heavily back against Grantaire in order to undo his close-fitting pants. “Okay, okay, okay.” He hesitated a moment before tipping his head back to press into Grantaire’s lips gently, and he sighed after a moment when the other man pressed another soft kiss to his neck.

 

Enjolras let out a shaky breath as he slid his hand down his belly and into his pants, his fingers twitching as he did so. “I don’t want to,” he whined after a moment, before shaking himself, his hair brushing across Grantaire’s face. “Yes. Yes, I do. I do. I don’t care what Maman and Papa would say. They’re dead. They won’t know, they don’t have to know, it’s okay. I’m – I’m going to do it.”

 

Grantaire kissed his neck gently, and Enjolras made a soft noise as he stiffened against him, and he pulled away a little to give him a bit of space, and Enjolras leaned back against him again. “Keep going,” he murmured. “Do that again, please.”

 

More than happy to comply, Grantaire leaned in to kiss his neck and the shell of his ear gently, and Enjolras sighed again, sliding his hand down into his pants and gasping quietly. He wrapped his fingers around his cock gently and paused for a moment, unsure of what to do next. He was half-hard, sitting in the lap of the beautiful boy who was kissing his neck, and he had never felt more dirty or more comfortable in his life. He brought his hand up to push his pants and boxers down below the curve of his ass so as he wasn’t fumbling around his underwear, and he closed his eyes, leaning back against Grantaire and dropping his head back onto his shoulder.

 

Grantaire was right – he didn’t know what he was doing but if he the more he kept on with what he was quickly learning that he liked (fingers trailing lightly across the heated skin) and avoided what he didn’t (moving too hard or fast) the more he noticed that his cock was harder now than when he’d started, and his breath was coming a little shorter and faster than it had been.

 

He felt like his heart was beating faster now than it ever had before, thudding away in his chest, and he felt simultaneously a little too hot and a little too cold, shivering despite his flushed skin and burning cheeks. He was very aware of the fact that Grantaire was breathing on his neck lightly, his lips and nose pressed against his skin, and he took a few ragged breaths before dropping his head back against Grantaire’s shoulder. A brief moan escaped him as he rolled his hips up, pushing the head of his cock up through the ring his fingers had formed, and he could see how people did this a lot. It felt different than he ever thought it would, he felt a little more aware of his body than he ever had before, aware of the feel of his erection in his hand – hot and firm and almost throbbing beneath his fingers – and the pace of his breathing, the way his hand clasped at Grantaire’s against his chest, and he laughed breathlessly for a moment before giving a soft grunt as he repeating a twisting motion he’d made a few moments before by accident. 

 

Grantaire murmured something behind him, but Enjolras didn’t listen, focussing instead on moving his hand and the increasing pressure and the way he couldn’t hold back those breathy little noises no matter how hard he tried, and he came with a cry, clutching at Grantaire’s hand hard and pushing back against him firmly as he felt like all of the bones in his body ceased to be solid, turning gelatinous instead.

 

“Just breathe,” he realised eventually Grantaire was murmuring into his hair, and he realised belatedly that he was cold and his t-shirt was stained with ejaculate and he felt…he felt good. He felt slightly looser limbed than before, his muscles right up beneath his skin buzzing pleasantly as he huffed out a sigh of relief - no idea why relief, but it felt that way – and dropped his head back against Grantaire’s shoulder again and gave another soft laugh. “How do you feel?”

 

“Weird,” Enjolras mumbled back, turning a little in Grantaire’s lap so he could press a quick kiss to his cheek. “But I guess…good weird.”

 

“Good.” Grantaire leaned forwards, twisting a little so as he could kiss Enjolras gently, a chaste kiss but enough to steal the blond’s only-just-recovered breath away. “Fancy cleaning up and coming to bed with me?”

 

Enjolras’ eyebrows shot up, and Grantaire chuckled warmly. “Nothing untoward, I promise,” he said with a grin, trailing his hands over Enjolras’ waist lightly. “Nothing you don’t say a loud and resounding yes to. I think maybe just cuddling for tonight.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

“Still feel dirty?”

 

Enjolras gave a short laugh and turned the rest of the way in his lap so he could drape his arms around Grantaire’s shoulders and lean in close.

 

“The dirtiest.”

**Author's Note:**

> [drop me a line~](http://bunbunjolras.tumblr.com/ask)   
> 


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